


Kind Of, Sort Of

by orphan_account



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Van Days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-23
Updated: 2013-07-23
Packaged: 2017-12-21 03:06:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/895053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not that they had meant to fall asleep on the tiny sofa in the van. It's just that they had fallen asleep on the tiny sofa in the van.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kind Of, Sort Of

They don't mean to fall asleep on the van. Don't mean to fall asleep on the tiny sofa. It’s just that it was a Friday night, so they were following Friday night tradition. Friday night tradition, created when they were teenagers, when the band was all a dream.

Friday night tradition was curling up together to watch a move. Friday night tradition was Ryan getting kind of tired, shifting, moving so that he was asleep with his head pressed between Brendon's shoulder and neck. And, Brendon was never going to be able to push Ryan Ross away from him. Not Ryan, with the bony wrists and the bonier smile. So, collectively, they’d ended up slumping lower and lower throughout the duration of the movie. Shifting, until they were both lying down, with Ryan tucked firmly between the back of the sofa and Brendon, with his arms wrapped tight around Ryan’s waist to stop himself from falling off a sofa that really wasn’t built for two grown men.

And, alright, it's not just Ryan's wrists and smiles that are bony. His elbows digging directly into Brendon's ribs. It doesn't matter, though, because Brendon is melted ice-cream when it comes to Ryan. Brendon has no defenses. Especially when it's late at night, and Ryan is warm. Curled up like a cat in Brendon's arms. Brendon is man enough to admit that his heart , maybe, sort of, gave up the fight about half an hour ago. Ryan’s got one hand in his mouth, and his head’s now resting on Brendon’s chest, and one of his legs is slung over both of Brendon’s. The two of them are curling together like parenthesis. Twisted like they were made for each other. Brendon didn’t used to be this much of a sucker, honest to god he didn’t – but its winter in the van, and Ryan’s still warm. So he falls asleep, too. The two of them, fast asleep on the tiny sofa in the van. 

Spencer and Jon see them later, walk into the main space and look at the two of them. They say nothing, do nothing. Jon doesn't even move for the camera for the potentially embarrassing photos, because this is the fourth Friday night in a row that this has happened, and embarrassing photos are losing their appeal. Most things lose their appeal when two members of a band are so _ridiculously_ in love with each other. The pining, the wistful glances. They stopped being cute a long time ago, and moved straight into pathetic. Hopeless. 

Pete Wentz has a betting pool going, all the people under the label in on it. All of them waiting for Brendon and Ryan to finally realise that they both only look at each other. That the other is always looking back. So Spencer and Jon see them, and they don't do anything about it. Just shake their heads and roll their eyes, judge the two of them for being so  _obvious_.Only, when Spencer walks past, he grabs a ratty blanket from one of the cupboards, and drapes it over the two of them. Well aware that if he doesn't, Brendon will wake up in the middle of the night because he's cold. He'll wake up, panic, and push Ryan away from him. Scramble so that he ends up on the floor, bruised elbows and wounded ego. It's happened before, it's lost its shine. Sleep on a tour is precious, and none of them need Brendon waking them up with his body thumping to the ground. They baby the boys a little, of course, but only for convenience sake. Only for the sake of sleep. 

Not at all because the two of them are sweet, in their own, fucked up way. 

Then the morning comes. Morning comes, and with it, stirring from Ryan, who wakes up with his hand still in his mouth. Hand still in mouth, and head still on Brendon’s chest, leg still slung over Brendon’s. And, Ryan considers panicking, but he looks at Brendon with his sleep mussed hair, red glasses sitting terribly wonky on his face, because he forgot to take them off last night when he fell asleep. Ryan looks at Brendon, and finds himself smiling. Soft and sweet Ryan knows that he is smiling. Only, Ryan reasons that it is incredibly difficult to live in such close quarters with Ryan and not fall slightly in love with him. Brendon just has that way with people. So bright, so musical.

Then Brendon wakes up, slowly, shifting under Ryan's body. Ryan tenses, ready to make his usual panicked statements about why he's curled around his best friend, but Brendon just grins up at him. Curls his hands and tightens his grip on Ryan’s waist, smiling sweetly when Ryan finds himself relaxing against Brendon again. It's not Ryan's fault, really, that he's completely gone for Brendon. Not when Brendon is like this. Not when they’re still lying together half an hour later, just _smiling_ at each other like they’re in on some massive secret. Brendon’s hand combing slowly through Ryan’s hair, the two of them sleep heavy and bed warm.

And when Spencer walks in, and he grins at the two of them, raising his eyebrows, Ryan sits up frantically, blushing. Brendon sits up, too, following the path of Ryan's body, and looking a little grumpy their moment was interrupted. So Brendon sticks his tongue out at Spencer, and Spencer sticks his tongue out back at him. Then Ryan elbows Brendon, so Brendon elbows him back. Spencer watches them, insults them both, so they both insult him back. Then there's a moment, when all of them just stop, and smile at each other, because they're on tour with their musical heroes. They're curled up together on the van. They're all good friends, best friends, and life is nice. Lovely. Soft. 

There's no shows for a few days, now, though. It's a travel day, as they plunder along the highway, driving through states. So they're all wandering quietly about the van, trying not to bother each other, trying to relearn themselves when there isn't a crowd to tell them how to do it. Brendon smiles over a cup of coffee, watches Ryan curl himself around a book. They're learning pretty well, all things considered. 

A little later, Brendon starts to make pancakes in the vans kitchen area. It's more area than kitchen, really, because it's so small. He's making pancakes, and Jon is criticizing his methods, so Brendon’s criticizing Jon’s flip-flops and Jon’s pretending that what Brendon’s said can never be redeemed. Ryan overhears, so he laughs, throws a retort at the two of them that causes them both to gasp in shock. Spencer, too, joins in, until they're all mock fighting. Joking and laughing, and somehow it turns into a food fight, because Brendon dumps some pancake batter on Jon's head.

The food fight only ends when Pete hops onto the van, glares at them all and calls them _children_. Except that the food fight doesn’t really end then, because Brendon throws some pancake mix on Pete, too, laughing. So Pete glares and throws it back, and they somehow get all of Fall Out Boy involved in a pancake batter war. This spreads, moving along their line of vans, meaning that all of a sudden Gabe joins in, too. He comes, hurling battle cries and followed by the rest of Cobra Starship. Then he pours some flour on William's head, and William is _furious._ Furious and flour covered, and then The Academy Is... are throwing food around too. Somehow, they've all stopped, the vans all pulled up together and the whole label throwing food at each other. Drivers and managers and roadies, and even some people no one actually knows. Finally it stops when a truce is called, and all the food is gone, and showers are needed. 

So Brendon and Ryan are walking back to the van, plans to shower. Plans to find something to eat. Plans to spend the rest of the day sleeping. It's then that Brendon reaches forwards, lifts a shaking palm and wipes flour off Ryan's cheek. Ryan stares at Brendon and Brendon stares back, and they're about to have a moment. They're about to have  _something_ , when Spencer dumps a whole bag of flour over their heads that he's somehow been saving, and he laughs forever, and ruins their moment. Brendon pulling away and smiling ruefully. 

So they step back on the van, and it's later than they both thought. Brendon curling up in his pajamas, Ryan going back to reading a book on the sofa. Spencer tells them all that he's going to bed, and Jon clears off to the bunks as well, plans to text Cassie in mind. Brendon watches them both, then follows their lead. He's tired, and there's nothing else to do, so he says good night to Ryan, and walks away. So he's lying in his bunk, eyes open in the dark as he tries to fall asleep, when he hears someone stop outside of his bunk.

Brendon goes to call out to them, or to open the curtain, when it's pulled aside for him. It's pulled aside, and there Ryan stands, clad only in boxer shorts and an over-sized t-shirt that once belonged to Brendon. Brendon looks at him, and doesn't even say anything, just moves aside, lifting up the curtain and smiling softly as Ryan sheepishly crawls into the space beside him. Moving so that they're pressed up against each other all over again. Brendon shifts, moves so that his nose is pressed to Ryan's chest, and he's almost definite that his last coherent thought is something about how Ryan smells like home. He's very tired, though, so he can't be sure.

Once more, morning comes to the van. Though this time, it's Brendon that wakes up first. Brendon that wakes up and looks at Ryan, thinks about how it was Ryan that got into his bunk. Ryan that moved beside him, scrawny frame and shy smile. Then Brendon feels brave. Feels like throwing things to the wind and yelling, why not? So, he shakes Ryan awake softly. Watches the flutter of his eyelashes and the splay of his limbs. He shakes Ryan awake, ignores the thunder in his chest, leans down, and kisses Ryan. Ryan doesn't pull away. Ryan doesn't pull away, he just melts into it. Into the bed, into Brendon, he sighs happily and then Ryan starts kissing Brendon back. The two of them smiling into the kiss, teeth clacking together, hands pressed into each others ribs. 

Eventually, they leave the tangle of each other's limbs, finally bracing the harsh reality of the world outside their bunk. Entering the main space of the van, hands clasped together they're fully prepared to defend their love, their honor, their  _whatever_.Only when they walk in there, Pete and Spencer and Jon and everyone else in the whole _world_ seems to be in there already. All of Fueled by Ramen pressed in together, cheering and laughing. Then Pete declares himself the winner of the betting pool, only Gabe turns to him, horrified, and says that  _he_ is the winner of the betting pool. Then Butcher glares at them both and says he is the winner of the betting pool. Then a small scrap breaks out, everyone moving in on each other, and it's hard to tell if they're laughing or fighting, but there's a lot of noise. 

So Brendon and Ryan figure that they won’t be missed if they slip off into the bunks again. So the two of them, they slip off to their bunks again. They look at each other, think about having sex, but it's too cramped and crowded and they have forever to go, so they decide not to. They just move so that they're pressed together once more. Ready to sleep, ready to take each day at a time. It's probably completely sappy. Probably terribly boring and horrendously stupid, but they're in love. They're young, and in love, and they have each other. They're happy. 

They're so happy, that it doesn't even seem like an event when Pete takes a picture of the two of them together, uploading it to the official Panic! at the Disco Facebook page. It's not an issue when Gabe 'accidentally' outs them on twitter. Or when Spencer brings up how embarrassing they are in interviews. They just smile, softly, gently. Just smile and roll their eyes, taking hands and going red. 

They're happy together, so Brendon presents Ryan with a ring one day when they're somewhere in Canada, and Ryan takes it, shakily and weakly he takes it. Tears in his eyes and a smile on his lips as he says yes, and then it's Brendon's turn to have tears in his eyes. They plan to tell the fans themselves, only Patrick mentions it in a Q&A, and they're not even bitter, because the fans are happy. They are happy. Everything is soft, golden. 

And they still fit on the tiny sofa in the van. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is incredibly old and incredibly sappy, but I decided to revamp it a lot. Initially written for someone that I met on tumblr back in 2013, Chloe, if you ever reread this fic, I'm sorry that you cried because you liked it so much, and I'm extra sorry that you deleted your tumblr. You were cool as fuck, and I miss our Ryden cries. 
> 
> Set in a world where Ryan never leaves and I didn't rewrite this at three in the morning.


End file.
